Butterfly...

The final truth of the matter stands thus,
I was never a moth,
Swooning to death
Against the heat of some irrestible flame...
I was and always will be,
A butterfly.
A creature not of darkness, but of light.

I was never meant
To languish
In the indifferent folds
Of your dusty robes.
I was always
Meant to spread my wings...
...And fly away...

I was always meant
To soar...
I was
And always will be
...a butterfly.

Linger...

They all moved on
I stayed behind
In dusty bylanes of my mind
Holding fast
To fading memories
Of us
And all our yesterdays...

They slipped away
Against my will
Disappearing fast
Past yonder hill
And still I lingered
In the afterglow
Of us
And all our yesterdays...

Linger

Memories, like ghosts, can come back to haunt you.

When I became the person I have become today, I thought I had freed myself of my ghosts. I didn't know I harbored insecurities, bitternesses, paranoias born of things long past, dealt with, dead and buried.

If I could just breathe easy... not have to think for a moment...maybe I could fix this.

If I could actually stop wanting to be stuck in a moment... perhaps I could get out.

Naivete has always been my biggest failing, and the only person the consequences have ever targeted...is me.

I make the same mistakes over and over again.

My integrity is inviolable... but my loyalties misplaced.

My point of support has always been outside of me... that can only last so long...

I dream too big

I gamble too much

I care too much... about all the wrong things...and all the things that matter languish in the dark.

I am groping in the dark... which isn't very unusual.

I can't tell happiness from the absence of sorrow.

I don't know sleep unless its induced by exhaustion.

...what I'm really saying is... I need to get a grip. And find my way again.

The truth about Samarra

The dynamics of Samarra... they said was driven by fate... I wouldn't know.

They also said logic was infallible... I know this to be untrue.

Nothing is impregnable, if it can be made, it can be broken, if it can be done, it can be undone...

You can't always retrace your footprints... footprints can fade, and you wouldn't know the way without them.

Everything is fleeting...even forever.

Hallelujah

Well I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this:
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
And she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Well baby I've been here before
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor,
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Well there was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me do you
And remember when I moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah

Maybe there´s a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
and it's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah

:)

To farishte poochhenge mehshar mein paakbaazon se
Gunah kyoon na kare, kya khuda rahim na tha?

Trust me, the angels will ask the pious on judgement day -
"Why didn’t you sin? Didn’t you trust in God’s mercy?"

poof

Atticus to my Scout.

Nathan to my Jules.

Half of the Awesome-Twosome.

But, I guess we broke the rules.



Fish in my bowl.

Ya stole my trademark hug...

But then...tat killed me!

If ya know what I mean...



Am I still yer baby?

Perhaps...

Tat killed me!

Ya know what I mean?



:)

:(

then there's also :$ :| :* :O

tat killed you!...if ya know wat I mean...

Anyone else...but You

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on your back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
I'll kiss you on the brain in the shadow of the train
I'll kiss you all starry eyed my body swingin' from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
Pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive
So why can't you forgive me
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
I will find my niche in your car
With my MP3, DVD, rumble pack guitar
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
You are always tryin' to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see im anyone else...but you
Don Quixote was a steel driving man
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
Squinched up your face and did a dance
Shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else...but you
But you


Its a song by the moldy peaches...stays with you...an its just a G and C on the guitar :)

So nice so smart

I was quiet as a mouse
when i snuck into your house
and took roofies with your spouse
in a nit and out a louse
and lice are lousy all the time
they suck your blood drink your wine
say shut up and quit your crying
give it time and you'll be fine

you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart

i like boys with strong convictions
and convicts with perfect diction
underdogs with good intentions
amputees with stamp collections
plywood skinboards ride the ocean
salty noses suntan lotion
always seriously joking
and rambunctiously soft-spoken
i like boys that like their mothers
and i have a thing for brothers
but they always wait til we're under the covers
to say i'm sure glad we're not lovers

you're so nice and you're so smart
you're such a good friend i hafta break your heart
tell you that i love you then i'll tear your world apart
just pretend i didn't tear your world apart

DAMN!!!! and other similar etc...

Damn.
Why is this happening?
Who have I morphed into???

I just...and then...instead of.OMG.
I am freaking out!
Its obvious I know.
But shit, how could I?
Jesus Christ!!!!

I am a drama queen.

You gotta problem with that?

But seriously

eeeverything happens to me.

The quintessential advantages of being me!

On the suraface, I am calm, placid, content, maybe even absolutely still...but on the inside I am running...on a long empty road, all my own, at the speed of thought or maybe more...and I've run past you a million times, in the time it takes us to smile at each other, say hello.

You think black is my favourite colour, with all its mystery, all its intrigue, all its potential to conceal...for I am, in your eyes, an embodiment of these very things.
...But, my favourite colour is actually yellow, the colour of a fresh summer breeze on a balmy day, the colour of instant lemonade.

You seek and find, immense strength in me, the ability to bear, to withstand, to face...insurmountably tragic circumstances.To you, I could face anything,unafraid and live to tell the tale.
...the truth is, I cannot close my eyes in complete darkness, or resist holding my breath before turning blind corners.

You think I am prose...controlled, sober, measured...I am in fact, free-verse, poetry running unbridled, too mercurial, too capricious to be contained by the pages of your book...


It rocks to be me.

There lies
Beyond that
Velvet sky
Past the
Farthest reaches
Of my eye
A place that
Hides me
Deep within
Its solitary
Silence.

And in that
Mysterious,Secret
Place
I find you
On my
Darkest days
Standing, Waiting
Faithful, True
Oh My Shadow
Would I even be
If it weren't
For you.

Absolute Escapist

...that would be me,yeah...can I go now??...You see this thing just blew up in my face, and...[dashes off down imaginary road, before you know what hit you].

But you see, this situation is exactly what I do, literally or metaphorically, and maybe mildly de-exaggeratedly. That all my random gyan hits me at ungodly hours might make my writing a little woozy, so swalpa adjust maadi. But, getting back to the point, I run because its quite simply the easiest thing to do, and I honestly hate confrontations from that abysmal bottom of my heart. I do. I hate them so much I almost develop a facial tick, it can get pretty pathetic really...in my head at least. And the thing is, when you have a caustic tongue, at least in your head, you have enough to deal with in your head as it is, without compounding things further by trying to stick around and clear things out...and oh by the way, my favourite things to run away from are misunderstandings, especially ones in which I come off in a bad light, those suck. I actually run from em coz at some level, I find em absolutely humiliating/tiresome/annoyin etc...slot in appropriate category...despite the fact that they are misunderstandings to begin with...see if its true, you justify and thats simple, but misunderstandings...they can be tricky. So I run. Did I mention I represented school at the district level, for runnin tat is, 3000 m. So I run pretty well, decent stamina. Not big on speed, but wat the hell.

And I've been on the run big-time lately :)... am actually gettin a lil out-of breath, because in life theres no easy one way track, I'm currently running on multiple tracks, in multiple races...and from numerous different 'situations'...for a million different reasons, I wont even admit some of them to myself...that would be 'being in denial', but tats for a different post.

No use asking me to stand my ground and face things, and giving me other fantastic advice, I give my self great advice, but do I follow it? Hell no!

...like I was saying, running in life aint as easy as track...wish it was plain ol track again, was so much simpler...

heres to...quirky

[Disclaimer: This post has been destined by the very nature of its origins to make no sense...so it probably wont]



I have currently abandoned myself to an absolutely shamelessly abject longing for the object of my affections :).Yeah he has his flaws...probably, and is definitely too tall for me and according to two very good friends o mine not smart enough for me...but did I mention he is gorgeous...that he has no idea he happens to be the object of my affections (ok maybe he has some idea, but guys can be pretty thick, you know)...is a minor concern obviously...oh but the journey my friend has been...filmi, very filmi, full of stolen glances and gazes held across crowded canteens, and wondering what each others' names are, and at one point...finding it incredibly romantic that I might never know. But damn folks kept yelling it all over the place and I heard it, so the big mystery element surrounding him is sorta diminished now. The first time I saw him, that he thought I was cute was obvious(wheee!), it still is, most times anyway. But then again, he is probably only putting sight, which is a pity really, because for someone who has grown up on a consistently bollywood diet(namely moi)...all tat filminess totally totally works(unfortunately)...and did I mention we dont know each other, thats very essentially Bollywood too.
Now before you label me a psychopath and stop speaking to me when you meet me, chill, it was probably random boredom ( or the fact tat we're both really pretty :P) tat led us down this essentially harmless road anyway.

Hmmm...I cant exactly say much more without actually coming out and naming the dude...so...oh well I guess I'll end this post. Didnt serve much purpose...But wat can I say...he leaves me (and tats ME!!!) tongue-tied...

yeah i have it baaaad...heaven help me

That essential question

Swing crazy
Between extremes
Torrid high
Despondent low
And in between
There lay
A 'Why?'
The Answer to which
We couldn't
Know
Along the edges
Of its
Steep ascent
We rose unfettered,
Our shackled wills
Were innocence...
Wrapped in a hurricane,
Driving us Forth
Holding us still.
And we swung
Between
Crazy extremes
Torrid high
Despondent low
Hopelessly distant
Scaldingly close
Have we been neither
...or have we been both.