morpheus on a leash...

When awareness
Is all I ask...
When my senses
Fill me
With this
Fading symphony
Of glory...
Beyond my
wildest dreams.
When all I
ask
Is to feel...

Where desire
Ends at
wishing
to believe
All that
is assailing
my tantalised senses
is indeed
more than
a fictious
production
Of my somnolent
...dreaming
mind.

Because finally...

Nobody is great...
Nothing is great.
Because everything
and everyone
is so transient...
How can anything
be great
...if it is
only a passing fancy
of the cosmos???

its a looong story....

Ever wanted something?...no not like you'd like it, or like to have it...I mean really want it. Crave for it...with every pore of your being, only to have it dance away from you on tiny quicksilver feet- to someone you really wouldn't snatch it away from...no matter how much your soul ached for that very thing...that you wanted to be...
...maybe that is why it was handed to them in the first place...with that very diabolical thought wedged...rotten in the twisted crevices of that crooked mind...how very original...to use your love for the reciever...to protect the recieved.Knowing that in giving it to that very person...it would be snatched away from your hopeful fingers...

Pain...you denial of desire...dont mock...

...To find such an impegnable sheath...so intricately woven...each denial...each obstacle placed in your path...so intricate...so well thought out...

I hadn't believed it was possible...such calculated cold cruelty...it still shocks me...and at some fundamental level...it always will.They say you have to be stong to take loss...denial...what if i'm just tired of being denied???

and who you be...?

ever had those weird people calling up and breathing into your telephone...no they exist....seriously.they are an un-acknowledged sub-species of homosapiens...universally un-acknowledged oweing to the unbearable embarrassment of the whole situation...i mean imagine having to admit that monkeys or penguins or rats were in some way superior to this our (oh so civilised...ohh so intelligent so sensible) honourable race.good point?thank you.

now to skip the boring lecture and get to the dirty details...

ma gets a call:
she was going through the motions of normal living on a normal day(yell at me to get my lazy arse off of my bed...yell at my bro to please kindly NOT leave his dirty smelly...nearly rotting socks in the middle of the living room floor...a visual not to mention olfactory....treat for all our unfortunate unsuspecting visitors!) when the phone rang."chinnu phone ettu!"-approximately 33 times...finally she recieved the call."hello"-about 9 times...i think...no reply.

we got multitudinous variants of the same call...still getting variants of the same call...correction.

case 1:music...not bad actually...on other end of line
can listen to it if not expecting calls

case 2:i love you i love you i louuuuvvvveeee you
non-stop....and to any lady that picks up
now who is it that you've given your dil to dude?
my mom?...my maid?...me?...or is it my bro...whose voice at age 14 unfortunately...well lets be nice

case 3:panting...pant pant pant...pant a little more
really....?ok one moment...whiskey(my imaginary labrador) will speak to you in a mo...


...see...really do not know what to do.different numbers each time too...but i like believe the human race is not depraved enough to hold more than a handful of these demented psychopaths...so am assuming is one single psycho...travelling between phones(at a frantic pace) to terrorise unwary phone subscribers of bsnl landlines...hmmm...

i am a poet who dosent knowet

you were so many
things I admire
You're all the strength
i thought i could
lean against
when my own strength
failed me...
you were
my stability
when i thought
my world was
crumbling,
my waltz
with silence
in this
noisy party
-life...
that i have
stumbled into
Uninvited...
You Were
someone
i thought
i could
turn to
when i
was lonely
i thought
you could,
would,
always
keep me
from everything
that would
undo me...
Me-done up in knots
tied with
taoist discpline
by a
drunken hand...in a torture room
i always thought
you would
break my fall
each single time
i stumbled...
i thought...you were...

...you are
so many things
My vilest enemy,
My truest love,
My only armour
- you leave me vulnerable
defenceless...
keeper of
my secrets
-would you sell them...
for a price?
perpetrator of my dreams
-you leave me sleepless...
You are that lonely street
i walk to
when my senses
take a holiday
and all
that guides me
is...my feelings
-those wanton
confused
wanderers
drunk on everything
that is you...
You are...
so many things,
My only adversary
My one true love...
You are
the rock
I broke myself
against.

first post...dunno wat to say actually

hullo...everybody...me somebody...you musta know if you be looking at this actually...cause me really dont think you would be reading otherwise...hmm...really really reallly dunno wat to say...yet