sometimes...you gotta do the right thing,
whether or not its the thing you wanna do...
damn
p.s: therez also you gotta see it like it actually is...another damn!
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
...
Who are you
That haunts my dreams
And hides within
My shadows...
That wanders in
My yesterdays,
Keeps me
From my tomorrows...
That haunts my dreams
And hides within
My shadows...
That wanders in
My yesterdays,
Keeps me
From my tomorrows...
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Does the greatness of art lie in its ability to be understood ?
Some of most celebrated works of art, those that elicit the most profound reactions in each of us, possess elements which elude comprehension. In many cases it is this elusive quality that sets a work of art apart from the rest in its genre. The 'Monalisa' or the Jaconde, one of the most famous paintings in the world possesses this very quality. Is the lady smiling?...or almost?...is a question even connosieurs of art are divided in opinion over.Even the landscape that is the backdrop of the painting has been the subject of many discussions.The painting also has several contradicting elements interwoven into it- the hands of the subject are relaxed, but the rest of her posture suggests a formal rigidity, which is also at odds with her smile.It has been said that the Monalisa reflects to each person his or her own current emotional state.These elements of the painting cannot be understood by the uninitiated, only experienced.
Therefore it is my opinion that art in any form need not be understood to be appreciated. Each artistic creation is a rendition of a concept, an ideaology, an emotion, an event...sometimes an amalgamation of all of these. A layperson cannot be expected to understand or even recognize the interplay between these elements in art, only experience them in their completeness, as a whole.It is not necessary, in order to enjoy a creme brulee to know how its prepared, to savour its perfect flavour, and respond to that stimulus is enough.
It can be argued that to understand a work art along with all its details, to understand its origins, its meaning and the intricacies of a genre make for a deeper, more satisfying experience. But, general existing trends contradict this contention.Most people today prefer modern art, which is more abstract than its conventional counterparts be it in sculpture, painting, photography or any other medium. While conventional art forms usually elicit standard responses, modern art is viewed, understood and differently by different people. In traditional forms, a lake is a lake, a lady is a lady and the picture a flower is just that, the picture of a flower, but in modern art, what a painting depicts is not as easily discernible, because of the simple reason that in these art forms, entities are not made to resemble their actual images. They meanings of such works of art are implied. This makes them harder to understand. But,an increasing number of people prefer modern art forms to their traditional counterparts. This alone refutes the argument that art has to be understood to be great.
Most great art and most works of art that have garnered attention through the generations have not been understood by the masses.They have been appreciated and lauded based mostly on their aesthetic appeal as a whole, the overall reaction they elicit from a person observing them, be it a symphony or a painting.And perhaps their greatness lies therein.
Therefore it is my opinion that art in any form need not be understood to be appreciated. Each artistic creation is a rendition of a concept, an ideaology, an emotion, an event...sometimes an amalgamation of all of these. A layperson cannot be expected to understand or even recognize the interplay between these elements in art, only experience them in their completeness, as a whole.It is not necessary, in order to enjoy a creme brulee to know how its prepared, to savour its perfect flavour, and respond to that stimulus is enough.
It can be argued that to understand a work art along with all its details, to understand its origins, its meaning and the intricacies of a genre make for a deeper, more satisfying experience. But, general existing trends contradict this contention.Most people today prefer modern art, which is more abstract than its conventional counterparts be it in sculpture, painting, photography or any other medium. While conventional art forms usually elicit standard responses, modern art is viewed, understood and differently by different people. In traditional forms, a lake is a lake, a lady is a lady and the picture a flower is just that, the picture of a flower, but in modern art, what a painting depicts is not as easily discernible, because of the simple reason that in these art forms, entities are not made to resemble their actual images. They meanings of such works of art are implied. This makes them harder to understand. But,an increasing number of people prefer modern art forms to their traditional counterparts. This alone refutes the argument that art has to be understood to be great.
Most great art and most works of art that have garnered attention through the generations have not been understood by the masses.They have been appreciated and lauded based mostly on their aesthetic appeal as a whole, the overall reaction they elicit from a person observing them, be it a symphony or a painting.And perhaps their greatness lies therein.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Who am I...now
Who am I now?...I know I am not who I used to be, but save the knowledge of what I am not, what am I. I am a stranger to myself, as shocked by my actions, by my thoughts, my emotions as you are. I can predict my reactions as well as you could. I know they will not be what they would have been...then...but what will they be now? I do not know...
Who am I now?...that girl in the mirror, I still consider my old face my own...find it difficult to accept the changes, they do not belong to me.
Who am I now?...that girl in the mirror, I still consider my old face my own...find it difficult to accept the changes, they do not belong to me.
Friday, September 14, 2007
My Insomniac
Trudging through the light of day
Half awake and unaware
Waiting for the night to come
And cloak him in its soothing folds
Of solitary darkness...
He'll walk past, but you will not see
The man that he once used to be
You'll see him come, then watch him go
My maddened lost insomniac.
What troubles him he will not say
Events from an ancient age
Things he says you must remember
'They happened only yesterday'
In his ancient language- long forgotten
He'll tell you truths you'll never know
You'll see him come, then watch him go,
My maddened lost insomniac...
Half awake and unaware
Waiting for the night to come
And cloak him in its soothing folds
Of solitary darkness...
He'll walk past, but you will not see
The man that he once used to be
You'll see him come, then watch him go
My maddened lost insomniac.
What troubles him he will not say
Events from an ancient age
Things he says you must remember
'They happened only yesterday'
In his ancient language- long forgotten
He'll tell you truths you'll never know
You'll see him come, then watch him go,
My maddened lost insomniac...
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Frantic socail life?
She:Man...its sooo tiring. Why do I have to have such a frantic social life!
He:Have a lot of friends huh?(smiling...genuinely earnestly curious...or a great actor!)
She:I guess!(rolls her eyes)
Me:...(in my head...):Um...no...she's just schizophrenic...
He:Have a lot of friends huh?(smiling...genuinely earnestly curious...or a great actor!)
She:I guess!(rolls her eyes)
Me:...(in my head...):Um...no...she's just schizophrenic...
Pursuit of Happyness
There are moments in time, when I wish I could sprout wings and fly away, destination undecided, when I actually feel restricted, constrained by my body. These are usually the kinda days when I smile like an idiot at vague strangers on the street and don't even care that they probably think I'm loony.Today was that kinda day, you didn't relly need to know that by the way.Just random gyan...
Watched this beeeeautiful brilliant animation movie called Balto in the morning, which is about this part-wolf mongrel that saved the Alaskan town of Nome in the 1930s by successfully delivering a package of diphtheria vaccine...it's seen through the eyes of a child who was actually saved back then...which makes it that much more personal and that much more touching.And I'm a sucker for happy endings and heroes...and dogs...so I genuinely loved this film...
that I had chocolate fudge to go with it might have made things that much better...
And then there was pursuit of happyness...and no its actually meant to be spelt that way...the verb reference. There is one question asked in the middle of this movie that really got me...
In the USA's Declaration of Independence, this statement actually exists
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
Why is it called the 'pursuit' of happiness...did they know that it would have to be pursued? that the attainment of it was not a certainty?
What is true actual happiness?...It's usually just that one moment when you realise that your current circumstances, which(if) you perceive them as constraining are going to change. Just that one moment when you've gotten that job, gotten into that college you wanted to go to, closed a deal...its actually a momentary thing- happiness. Because, lets face it working at that firm of studying at that college is not really gift-wrapped eternal bliss...
and if this true, why do we pursue it at such a frantic pace?Is it true?
Watched this beeeeautiful brilliant animation movie called Balto in the morning, which is about this part-wolf mongrel that saved the Alaskan town of Nome in the 1930s by successfully delivering a package of diphtheria vaccine...it's seen through the eyes of a child who was actually saved back then...which makes it that much more personal and that much more touching.And I'm a sucker for happy endings and heroes...and dogs...so I genuinely loved this film...
that I had chocolate fudge to go with it might have made things that much better...
And then there was pursuit of happyness...and no its actually meant to be spelt that way...the verb reference. There is one question asked in the middle of this movie that really got me...
In the USA's Declaration of Independence, this statement actually exists
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.
Why is it called the 'pursuit' of happiness...did they know that it would have to be pursued? that the attainment of it was not a certainty?
What is true actual happiness?...It's usually just that one moment when you realise that your current circumstances, which(if) you perceive them as constraining are going to change. Just that one moment when you've gotten that job, gotten into that college you wanted to go to, closed a deal...its actually a momentary thing- happiness. Because, lets face it working at that firm of studying at that college is not really gift-wrapped eternal bliss...
and if this true, why do we pursue it at such a frantic pace?Is it true?
Friday, May 25, 2007
Shoebox Rhapsody
She found a box
at the back of her cupboard
a brown shoe box
sealed up with tape
and in it was the class of '91
smilin back in sepia tone
it was dusty
with the labels peelin off
a brown shoe box
sealed up with tape
and in it was a book o recipies
of things her momma used to make
ch:
[Her life ain't outta the ordinary
She's your regular nine to five
And petty things that make her worry
And little things that make her smile
Her life ain't outta the ordinary
So I'll rhapsodize about
Memories in a shoebox
Memories fittin in shoeboxes
And lives that fit in picture frames
Picking up your phone and smiling
To familiar forgotten names
Memories fittin in a shoebox
Baby...you're playin a losin game ]
She found a diary
she'd written long ago
forgotten letters
from forgotten flames
the first valentine she ever got
with spangles all over her name
She found a box
at the back of her cupboard
a forgotten box
on the corner rack
she'd packed away everything that mattered
and then forgotten how to unpack
[Her life ain't outta the ordinary
She's your regular nine to five
And petty things that make her worry
And little things that make her smile
Her life ain't outta the ordinary
So I'll rhapsodize about
Memories in a shoebox
Memories fittin in shoeboxes
lives that fit in picture frames
pickin up your phone and smilin
to familiar forgotten names
memories fittin in shoeboxes...
...Baby...you're playin a losin game ]
at the back of her cupboard
a brown shoe box
sealed up with tape
and in it was the class of '91
smilin back in sepia tone
it was dusty
with the labels peelin off
a brown shoe box
sealed up with tape
and in it was a book o recipies
of things her momma used to make
ch:
[Her life ain't outta the ordinary
She's your regular nine to five
And petty things that make her worry
And little things that make her smile
Her life ain't outta the ordinary
So I'll rhapsodize about
Memories in a shoebox
Memories fittin in shoeboxes
And lives that fit in picture frames
Picking up your phone and smiling
To familiar forgotten names
Memories fittin in a shoebox
Baby...you're playin a losin game ]
She found a diary
she'd written long ago
forgotten letters
from forgotten flames
the first valentine she ever got
with spangles all over her name
She found a box
at the back of her cupboard
a forgotten box
on the corner rack
she'd packed away everything that mattered
and then forgotten how to unpack
[Her life ain't outta the ordinary
She's your regular nine to five
And petty things that make her worry
And little things that make her smile
Her life ain't outta the ordinary
So I'll rhapsodize about
Memories in a shoebox
Memories fittin in shoeboxes
lives that fit in picture frames
pickin up your phone and smilin
to familiar forgotten names
memories fittin in shoeboxes...
...Baby...you're playin a losin game ]
Monday, May 14, 2007
Mary
It was just
a seedy pub
Your average
dimlit nightclub
but in a corner
they had a raised stage
and Mary standin on it.
They said she looked
like your average plain jane
she had creases
at the corners of her smile
but i thought
she was easy on the eyes
Mary Mary Mary
she looked so fine.
It was just
a seedy pub
all flat beer
and used up cigarette stubs
but in a corner
they had raised stage
and Mary singin on it.
Last year they said
she'd had a daughter
and since then
no man had ever got her
but oh she was so
easy on the eyes
Mary Mary Mary
she was so fine.
So in that
dimlit nightclub
just your seedy
average pub.
I sat at the edge
of that raised stage
pretendin she's gonna be mine
Mary Mary Mary
she was so fine
It was just
a seedy pub
your average
dimlit nightclub
but in a corner
they had a raised stage
with Mary standin on it.
a seedy pub
Your average
dimlit nightclub
but in a corner
they had a raised stage
and Mary standin on it.
They said she looked
like your average plain jane
she had creases
at the corners of her smile
but i thought
she was easy on the eyes
Mary Mary Mary
she looked so fine.
It was just
a seedy pub
all flat beer
and used up cigarette stubs
but in a corner
they had raised stage
and Mary singin on it.
Last year they said
she'd had a daughter
and since then
no man had ever got her
but oh she was so
easy on the eyes
Mary Mary Mary
she was so fine.
So in that
dimlit nightclub
just your seedy
average pub.
I sat at the edge
of that raised stage
pretendin she's gonna be mine
Mary Mary Mary
she was so fine
It was just
a seedy pub
your average
dimlit nightclub
but in a corner
they had a raised stage
with Mary standin on it.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Straighten up and fly right!
Written by Nat King Cole and Irving Mills
A buzzard took a monkey for a ride in the air,
The monkey thought that everything
was on the square.
The buzzard tried to throw the monkey
off OF his back,
The monkey grabbed his neck and said,
"Now listen, Jack..."
Straighten up and fly right,
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
Ain't no use in divin',
What's the use in jivin'?
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
The buzzard told the monkey,
"You are chokin' me.
Release your hold and I will set you free."
The monkey looked the buzzard right
dead in the eye and said,
"Your story's so touching, but it sounds
just' like a lie."
Straighten up and fly right
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
(Take it away, boys!)
Straighten up and fly right,
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
Ain't no use in divin',
Ain't no good in jivin'!
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow - your - top.
Fly right!
hehehe.Kinda glad I have someone to say that to me. Your perspective needs a lil shakin up sometimes, reminded what matters and what doesn't, and why hanging on is important, and why to what you want, and why not to what you're supposed to want, and why its ok to be you, without guilt, which is stupid enough to begin with.
Someone relly wise once told me its hard enough to be yourself, dont compound your miseries trying to be someone else.
yup.
A buzzard took a monkey for a ride in the air,
The monkey thought that everything
was on the square.
The buzzard tried to throw the monkey
off OF his back,
The monkey grabbed his neck and said,
"Now listen, Jack..."
Straighten up and fly right,
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
Ain't no use in divin',
What's the use in jivin'?
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
The buzzard told the monkey,
"You are chokin' me.
Release your hold and I will set you free."
The monkey looked the buzzard right
dead in the eye and said,
"Your story's so touching, but it sounds
just' like a lie."
Straighten up and fly right
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
(Take it away, boys!)
Straighten up and fly right,
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow your top.
Ain't no use in divin',
Ain't no good in jivin'!
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don't you blow - your - top.
Fly right!
hehehe.Kinda glad I have someone to say that to me. Your perspective needs a lil shakin up sometimes, reminded what matters and what doesn't, and why hanging on is important, and why to what you want, and why not to what you're supposed to want, and why its ok to be you, without guilt, which is stupid enough to begin with.
Someone relly wise once told me its hard enough to be yourself, dont compound your miseries trying to be someone else.
yup.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
light n easy
could you handle sacrifice
could you handle all their lies
could you handle true surrender
could you handle deep
didn't think so
so i'll give you...
light n easy listenin
light n easy everything
throw in a little
standard talkin
light n easy
some moonwalkin
light n easy
and i'll give you
light n easy listenin
light n easy hear me sing
i'll play you some mellow music
forget about the notes within
light n easy listenin
light n easy
could you handle retribution
could you handle their confusion
could you handle desolation
could you handle true
didn't think so
so i'll give you
light n easy listenin
light n easy
go on and sing
light n easy...
could you handle all their lies
could you handle true surrender
could you handle deep
didn't think so
so i'll give you...
light n easy listenin
light n easy everything
throw in a little
standard talkin
light n easy
some moonwalkin
light n easy
and i'll give you
light n easy listenin
light n easy hear me sing
i'll play you some mellow music
forget about the notes within
light n easy listenin
light n easy
could you handle retribution
could you handle their confusion
could you handle desolation
could you handle true
didn't think so
so i'll give you
light n easy listenin
light n easy
go on and sing
light n easy...
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Shadow
Where can I hide
Can you find me some shadows
I swear I won't tell on you
Wont tell on you for now
I know I'm not wanted
There's no prize over my head
But I need to hide now
To contemplate
Deliberate
I am recklessly cautious
Maybe I'll come back if you need me
But where can I hide
Will you find me a shadow
There's a man
Walking down the street
All leery and drunken eyed
His clothes all ripped
His shoulders all shaken
In a world where he dreamed
He was
Rudely awakened.
I am recklessly cautious
Maybe I'll come back if you need me
But where can I hide
Will you find me a shadow
There's people dying everywhere
Children in Somalia
Front page news
Of massacres in Virginia
Blood. One side of a world.
printing ink,the other
I'll hide for a while
In somebody else's shadow.
Can you find me some shadows
I swear I won't tell on you
Wont tell on you for now
I know I'm not wanted
There's no prize over my head
But I need to hide now
To contemplate
Deliberate
I am recklessly cautious
Maybe I'll come back if you need me
But where can I hide
Will you find me a shadow
There's a man
Walking down the street
All leery and drunken eyed
His clothes all ripped
His shoulders all shaken
In a world where he dreamed
He was
Rudely awakened.
I am recklessly cautious
Maybe I'll come back if you need me
But where can I hide
Will you find me a shadow
There's people dying everywhere
Children in Somalia
Front page news
Of massacres in Virginia
Blood. One side of a world.
printing ink,the other
I'll hide for a while
In somebody else's shadow.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
GRE...will I live to tell the tale?
In this bellicose belligerent state of mind, I have decided to embark on a crusade towards the emancipation of my thoughts, struggling for release. I endue them with the qualities of these refined utterances which previously had not been part of my linguistic repertoire.
And on that contrived artificial note I conclude this post.
And on that contrived artificial note I conclude this post.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Paper trail
I was getting my passport application ready. And I realised how much paper my person has acquired over the years. Growing up, in a sense, is just accumulation of paper. The more paper you have , the more full fledged well rounded adult you become.You have a birth cert to get you started, and then you work at adding on the fringes...horoscope SSLC marks card College ID driver's license Voter's ID PAN tax returns...and some more paper...Imagine how much paper I coulda saved if I went incognito...tats not a option though...legally speaking.Felt I was sifting through a marathon to the final fringe...a death cert....that is the final most ultimate documentation of a person isn't it?
yup! I'm generally this morbid :)
yup! I'm generally this morbid :)
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Sabra...
Her feet refused to disconnect from the ground beneath them.
Her breath refused to release her rebelling lungs.
Her eyes held her shackled to the spot.
Her thoughts screamed at her to close her eyes, to shutdown her senses.
Who was she,
She looked so fragile
her lips looked
like they could
hold a broken smile
who was she
Looking through me
glassy eyed and
twisted limbed
Who was she
that one armed mockery
Of a girl we used to know...
Her breath refused to release her rebelling lungs.
Her eyes held her shackled to the spot.
Her thoughts screamed at her to close her eyes, to shutdown her senses.
Who was she,
She looked so fragile
her lips looked
like they could
hold a broken smile
who was she
Looking through me
glassy eyed and
twisted limbed
Who was she
that one armed mockery
Of a girl we used to know...
| The Firefly by Ogden Nash | |||
| | |||
| The firefly's flame Is something for which science has no name I can think of nothing eerier Than flying around with an unidentified glow on a person's posterior.  | | ||
| | |||
Friday, March 23, 2007
Who Cares...by Gnarls Barkley
Basically I'm complicated
I have a hard time taking the easy way
I wouldn't call it schizophrenia
But I'll be at least 2 people today
If that's okay
And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?
It's deep how you can be so shallow
And I'm afraid cause I have no fear
And I didn't believe in magic
Until I watched you disappear
I wish you where here
And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?
You see, everybody is somebody
But nobody wants to be themselves
and If I ever wanted to understand me
I'll have to talk to someone else
Cause every little bit helps
And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?
Feels like... the surreal life
But it's still nice
Wish I could live twice
but I still might
if these bones heal right
I see a little light
though it's still night
Feels like... surreal like
But its still nice
Wish I could live twice
but I still might
if these bones heal right
I see a little light
though it's still night
And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?
And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Love Mongrel
first of all thanks to kunal for the title...
ch:
go on and mesmerize him
go on and hypnotize him
he'll probably come following you
coz he's a love mongrel
love mongrel
love mongrel waiting by your door
love mongrel not so faithful anymore
love mongrel he
he wandered into your street
wide eyed and wonderstruck
made you wonder
how long it had been
since he'd been so far out of luck
and that crooked smile
it got you a thinkin
how many nights he'd stayed awake
hoping the coming day would bring him
a couple more promises to make.
he stood there waiting at the corner
hesistating to leave you behind
you turned away and he
headed down the blind alley
singin 'georgia on my mind'
he didn't miss a beat or go off key
got the music down to the note
but through it all it was only
the lyrics that he wished to quote
ch:
go on and mesmerize him
go on and hypnotize him
he'll probably come following you
coz he's a love mongrel
love mongrel
love mongrel waiting by your door
love mongrel not so faithful anymore
love mongrel he
he wandered into your street
wide eyed and wonderstruck
made you wonder
how long it had been
since he'd been so far out of luck
and that crooked smile
it got you a thinkin
how many nights he'd stayed awake
hoping the coming day would bring him
a couple more promises to make.
he stood there waiting at the corner
hesistating to leave you behind
you turned away and he
headed down the blind alley
singin 'georgia on my mind'
he didn't miss a beat or go off key
got the music down to the note
but through it all it was only
the lyrics that he wished to quote
Saturday, March 10, 2007
cheating (on) me?
Promiscuity...what does it mean really. Aren't we all promiscuous at some level. No...I'm not suggesting everybody sleeps around. But at the intellectual level, most of us are attracted to more than one person at a time. You could be committed to someone, but that doesn't really stop you from looking at the stranger at the bus-stop or bookstore or local train and actually feeling disappointed when you don't see them around. The feeling reserved for that one significant other, sometimes creeps in when you're looking at your best friend...albeit of a much lower intensity and degree...does that make you promiscuous?...
And everyone you like, you like for a reason. And everyone you like gives you something else, each person you like is needed by a different aspect of your personality.
Intellectually, you could be giving a lot more to someone whom you're not necessarily seeing. Even emotionally. Not 'love' exactly, just more of 'you'...does that make you promiscuous.
Can someone be cheated on only physically? What if I felt attracted to someone I wasn't seeing at that point of time? Even if I managed to shake the feeling off...wouldn't I have been promiscuous for that moment in time?
And everyone you like, you like for a reason. And everyone you like gives you something else, each person you like is needed by a different aspect of your personality.
Intellectually, you could be giving a lot more to someone whom you're not necessarily seeing. Even emotionally. Not 'love' exactly, just more of 'you'...does that make you promiscuous.
Can someone be cheated on only physically? What if I felt attracted to someone I wasn't seeing at that point of time? Even if I managed to shake the feeling off...wouldn't I have been promiscuous for that moment in time?
Thursday, March 08, 2007
watch me...
Watch me...fly away...watch me plummet off the edge like a weight lifted off your shoulders....free falling...loss of faith.
Watch me transform before you eyes into someone...you wished you didn't know...watch me...disappear...little by little...
Watch me...throw away...the possibility...of promises being kept...
Watch me...
Watch me transform before you eyes into someone...you wished you didn't know...watch me...disappear...little by little...
Watch me...throw away...the possibility...of promises being kept...
Watch me...
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
jus plain random...
I am prone to magnificent obsessions. I am practically professional at setting myself up as...sitting duck. I suck. I am pathetically transparent. But even I don't know what I am thinking. I fall for all the wrong people. I trust all the wrong folks. I am an ass. I am talented. Walking smack into the middle of a trap you know the nature and existence of...takes bloody talent. I can fly. No..maybe I am just high. No I am not on drugs. I don't like weed. I like alcohol. But then not had that for ages. So no...I am not high. Maybe I am naturally deranged...or is that just mildly inebriated. Maybe I am stupid...no no no can't be it...that would be much easier to accept.Maybe I am a masochist. Or am I now...I am not making sense am I...well...I told you this was random. I didn't ask you read it...is this all you have left to do...reading the disjointed sentences...disconnected thoughts...of a mind steeped in lunacy. The lunatic is in my head...no I didn't say that...someone else did...and set it to a pretty tune. I understand what he meant.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Catharsis
My most fantastic revelations have occurred at the most mundane situations...like when I’m brushing my teeth or making coffee or cleaning my room. And recently I realized that somehow somewhere sometime I'd let go of all the things I'd been clinging to so tenaciously for the past decade...every single thing I thought went wrong, everything I thought unfair, everything I had been forced to face and fought to deal with...didn't matter any more. And funny thing is, I wasn't as ecstatic as I thought I should be, yeah I felt positively peaceful...almost Zen like, but that's it...after 3650 ( tats allll a decade is...even tat seems insignificant) or so days of agonizing over something, I finally got over it, finally buried all the bitterness without even paying it the tribute of a funeral (which by the way, is a good thing).
So ok shit happened. Big deal. And I actually genuinely feel that way about it. No fake machismo involved ( though tat might sound a little inappropriate since i'm not a man to begin with, it expresses what I want say pretty aptly). And besides, if I had grown up the way I was growing up, I would have ended up being an unbelievably snooty, boringly smug, irritatingly picky person anyway...so everything that happened, made me a much better person than I would have been. I definitely needed a little humbling. When a catastrophe strikes it hits hard in the beginning, but when you get over it, IF you get over it, what remains of you is just those parts of you that are of any actual relevance....
I was so pathetically arrogant...about everything...how easy it was...anything...everything...whatever I wanted, I got...sometimes by luck, sometimes ability and sometimes just plain love. And I never actually stopped to feel grateful for any of it. Not grateful to anybody...just grateful for what is!...I should have been, I wasn't. The only thing i regret is that I had to watch my loved ones go through what they did before I realized how absolutely paltry the value of what I valued was.
...let me start at the beginning...from now on this post is going to belong to my father...because it is his battles that I have witnessed, and his losses I have mourned. And his strength I have admired. His early years he spent being coached in english and the mahabharata and ramayana by his grandmother ( who I might just write a post about someday!) and sitting astride someone's shoulders when his father went hunting. He still has a tiger's claw in his cupboard somewhere...that is the picture I have of my father's childhood. A tiger's claw. An old antique watch and my grandfather's picture frozen at age 39…all I know is everything my father became he already innately was. He is someone I cannot imagine losing…I have watched him teetering precariously in the most dangerous of situations…I know he will always make it. He was educated completely through scholarships, which I presume made things much easier for my grandmother who had five younger daughters to grow up, that none of them(not even my grandmother…who I like to assume was just too old to do anything) was around, when my father seemed to have lost is irrelevant…school, Rourkee and then Japan…all on the strength of his abilities. Then a few years as an engineer. And then SUNSU happened. And grew slowly to become the company it was. One of the top five in the country…that was when the family pictures were always pretty full and we received lots of complementary gifts at special occasions( funny how much of that you can get when you don’t relly need it)…the seat in his office was my favorite place to be. It was one those comfortable leather jobs with an AC right next to it…and the luxury of looking at people outside without having them look back at me. He used to stay entire nights at the factories sometimes, when shipments were being sent…all he was, all he had, he gave to nourish what he wanted to accomplish. And he did, also taking all his sisters and their husbands and their children piggybacking…hmm…come to think of it he even paid for their educations, their house rents, I even have an uncle who sold a company car, pocketed the money, I know my dad didn’t ask him for it. I loved watching their expressions when my mother reminded them of it recently when they came sniffing around after hearing he wasn’t down anymore. It all started with the delay in importing accessories…from
And now life is finally slipping into a semblance of normalcy, and like I said…I just realized…we’re all ok now.
And as far as realizations go…insanity… is only that point at which a person refuses to believe the rational, that point at which a person decides to give up trying and let circumstance guide the course of his life…so as far as this remains true, we’re all pretty safe as long as we want to be.
And if someone can live through this…they can live through a lot…which is actually a pretty great thing to know! :)
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
blue eyed stranger
THE saang...wrote it in half an hour...the music for it is still a lil sketchy...and woooooooooon!wheeeeeeee!...no cash though...cha
I am
The contradiction
In your truth
The truth
In all your lies
I'm the
Song in all
Your music
And the low
In all your highs.
I am your
February valentine
Your
September ex
I am the
memory
In your photographs
The whiskey
In your pegs...
Do you
remember how
we sounded
Music
in the
rain
Your hesistant
baritone
And my
Soprano strain
Blue eyed stranger
with the
Familiar face...
Lets take that walk now
Its been a very long day
Blue eyed stranger...
The contradiction
In your truth
The truth
In all your lies
The song in all
your music
The low in
all your highs
Blue eyed stranger with the
...familiar face
(at MCC...Cul-ah!...8/2/2007)
I am
The contradiction
In your truth
The truth
In all your lies
I'm the
Song in all
Your music
And the low
In all your highs.
I am your
February valentine
Your
September ex
I am the
memory
In your photographs
The whiskey
In your pegs...
Do you
remember how
we sounded
Music
in the
rain
Your hesistant
baritone
And my
Soprano strain
Blue eyed stranger
with the
Familiar face...
Lets take that walk now
Its been a very long day
Blue eyed stranger...
The contradiction
In your truth
The truth
In all your lies
The song in all
your music
The low in
all your highs
Blue eyed stranger with the
...familiar face
(at MCC...Cul-ah!...8/2/2007)
Thursday, January 04, 2007
pseudo...
hmm lesson one...
...get your spellings right.I just read a profile...and listed as interests werethe following
she likes
music by "arrowsmith" (aunty...aerosmith)
Crime and Punishment by "Feodar Doveshki" (fyodor dostoevsky must be turning in his grave)
"Italion job" (ask Mrs.Gandhi)
"Usual Sespects" (I suspect you dont know what you're talking about here...)
"Fountain Head" (fountainhead fountainhead fountainhead...)
...and the winner
...drumroll
...reggae style trumpeting...
...tatatatataaaan
SHORT SHANK REDEMPTION (for this...you will not be forgiven)
ok...I have no idea if it was an attempt at humour...or a desperate stab at trying to seem intellectual...or in layman's terms COOL I say!
It would have been funny if it wasn't so pathetic.think about it...this person obviously...knows
that these movies books bands she's named are good.they're worth paying attention to...but she's not relly interested in them,in those aspects of these works that make them as valuable as they are.
What this person,(and lotsa other ppl) wanted to do, was piggyback ride on the respect these works have earned...over the years.
with no regard or respect for the ideas that make these things special, no understanding of the values they represent,not knowing or caring what amount of work, effort brought these things into being.
How low does 'self esteem' have to get to make a person hide behind these names, that
she knows society perceives as valuable, with the full knowledge that she doesn't even begin to understand them.If you took these names away from her...wat would her worth then be?
YUCK.
somehow fake silicone tits are a lot easier to condone...because...
there's the 'physical person' and the personality...and personality is definitely the more sancrosanct of the two
so children...don't fake it! dont plagiarise...piracy is a crime...in every fukin sense.
...get your spellings right.I just read a profile...and listed as interests werethe following
she likes
music by "arrowsmith" (aunty...aerosmith)
Crime and Punishment by "Feodar Doveshki" (fyodor dostoevsky must be turning in his grave)
"Italion job" (ask Mrs.Gandhi)
"Usual Sespects" (I suspect you dont know what you're talking about here...)
"Fountain Head" (fountainhead fountainhead fountainhead...)
...and the winner
...drumroll
...reggae style trumpeting...
...tatatatataaaan
SHORT SHANK REDEMPTION (for this...you will not be forgiven)
ok...I have no idea if it was an attempt at humour...or a desperate stab at trying to seem intellectual...or in layman's terms COOL I say!
It would have been funny if it wasn't so pathetic.think about it...this person obviously...knows
that these movies books bands she's named are good.they're worth paying attention to...but she's not relly interested in them,in those aspects of these works that make them as valuable as they are.
What this person,(and lotsa other ppl) wanted to do, was piggyback ride on the respect these works have earned...over the years.
with no regard or respect for the ideas that make these things special, no understanding of the values they represent,not knowing or caring what amount of work, effort brought these things into being.
How low does 'self esteem' have to get to make a person hide behind these names, that
she knows society perceives as valuable, with the full knowledge that she doesn't even begin to understand them.If you took these names away from her...wat would her worth then be?
YUCK.
somehow fake silicone tits are a lot easier to condone...because...
there's the 'physical person' and the personality...and personality is definitely the more sancrosanct of the two
so children...don't fake it! dont plagiarise...piracy is a crime...in every fukin sense.
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